I'm free

And I've decided I'm going to start every single work as soon as a professor talks about doing one. Or else I'll get even more sick. I got sick from nerves and with all the pressure. Sore throat, headache, my whole body ached. I'm better now, thankfully. But I don't want it to happen again.

I'm not exactly free, though.

Things to do during winter break (Dec 17th - Jan 2nd):

• 1 group work;
• study for two tests;
• prepare a presentation.

And probably study for another two tests but I think I should save those for later, I have time. Hopefully. Time, time, time.

Off to Barcelona tomorrow.

Accepting the future?

I erased the part of my "about me" section from this blog and Twitter which said "wannabe fashion journalist".

I've accepted that if I stay in PR, I'll have a job. At least I have a higher chance of getting one, unlike if I was studying to become a journalist. PR's a relatively new profession, especially in Portugal. Good money and definitely interesting. I can still work in fashion if I want to.

This sudden turn of events astounds me. I know how I ended up in PR, but it's strange to me. It wasn't my intention and somehow my decisions led me to where I am now.

Yes. I think I'm staying in Public Relations.

The best years of your life

I was talking to a friend a few minutes ago about university and life as a college student. Complaining about the amount of workload we have (and how we procrastinate every single day) and how we envy high school students and how easy it all was just a few months ago. I walk by my old high school sometimes and as I see new students I think to myself, "You have no idea how lucky you are to still be in high school".

We also talked about how people usually say that the college years are the best years of our lives. It's my third month, I know, but... I'm not feeling it. Probably because people who say that are people who spend their college life in a dorm room. I don't. I've met people that I like, but I won't be able to consider them friends or just go out with them like I do with my group of friends for a very long time.

I probably could feel this way if I was the party girl type. I'm not. I prefer staying in and reading or going out to a friend's house with other friends rather than going out to some club or some place of the sort. I don't have the "academic spirit". Not yet, at least. I never got drunk and I honestly doubt that it's going to happen anytime soon. Not that I want to get drunk and puke all over the street and be classy like that. But it seems like that's the way people enjoy their college years and the best years of their lives.

I'm not feeling it.

The wait is over. After two months of waiting and a whole year of freaking out, it's finally over. I got into the university I wanted and I couldn't be happier. Classes start on the 20th.

And now I'm just staring at this post. I wanted to say so much more, but my writing has been terrible. I can't write. I don't even feel like writing. I just feel the need to want to write. But nothing.

Bisou, bisou.

Doubts

I'm less than 24 hours away of completing my last high school exam. I'm eighteen days away from knowing the results of said exams and nineteen days away from filling in a piece of paper with choices that are going to change my life and lead it to an unknown path.

Such a short time and I'm having doubts. I'm having doubts because I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, if I should study Social Communication like I'm planning to. It kills me that I can't express myself like I want to in my own language. It kills me that my own teachers think that Portuguese isn't my native tongue and thinking English is. In other circumstances, that would have been an enormous compliment, but not when I heard it. Not when I'm facing three years of writing in Portuguese. Not when I have to find a job in Journalism and, not knowing what the future brings, having to write in Portuguese for the rest of my life.

I can't be having doubts now. Especially when I don't see any other alternative.

But I do have doubts.

Bisou, bisou *

I'm witnessing time-passing at its best. Until my Summer holidays, this is what still has to happen:

1. Portuguese presentation on Tuesday;

2. Psychology test next Thursday;

3. John Mayer concert on May 21st <3;

4. History and English test the next week;

5. Miley Cyrus concert on May 29th <3;

6. Portuguese test the week after that;

7. Seven to eleven days of intense studying;

8. Portuguese exam on the 16th, English exam on the 19th, History exam on the 21st;

9. One week with my friends at the beach;

10. Find out the exam results on July 8th;

11. Apply for Universities the day after that.

Then I'm done. After all this, high school is over and I'm on holidays. Ready to - hopefully - go to Italy. I'll be in Uni *crosses fingers* two months after that. I won't be able to see the majority of the people I saw every day for three years. I'm extremely glad I decided to be brave and start high school with a clean slate, in a different school where almost everyone in my old school went to. Clean slates are an amazing feeling, and doing that for yourself, even if it's hard at first, is totally worth it.

And now for Uni, I'm not going to be the shy girl. I'm going to have fun and meet people right at the beginning so I wouldn't be the weird girl in the corner who doesn't talk to anyone. Not that I ever was like that. Not all the time, anyway, only in the beginning. Anyway, MAKING NEW FRIENDS is the key. I can't wait, but I still wish I was six again.

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

The future is knocking on the door

(Photo found here)

As I may have told you a few times, in a few months I'll be off to University. I'm excited, but I'm also very scared. Scared of not being accepted in any of the Universities I'm considering, scared of staying behind to improve my grades. One more year in high school and a wasted year don't appeal to me at all. And it's not going to happen.

Two days ago I went with some friends to a couple of faculties, where we're considering spending the next three/four years. To be honest, I was extremely disappointed with "mine". A building that seemed it was in ruins, students telling me the course I want to study doesn't even exist, and two people showing their dislike for studying there. I obviously can't make my decision with two people's opinions, but the mix of it all left me very disappointed.

This faculty wasn't really my first choice. The first one I've ever considered requires a much higher average than the one I've got right now, thus my fear of not being accepted. And now that I'm considering another faculty, I'm even more scared. It seems that we can only be relaxed if our average is higher than 17 (on a scale of 1-20). What about the rest of us? "They  should have studied more." Of course. Of course we should have.

I can say that I'm going to improve my average, that I'm going to study more or that I'll ace the national exams. It won't happen. It's too late. I don't care what happens, but I'm not staying behind. And don't tell me things like, "don't worry, you'll get in!", because I don't have the patience for that kind of thing. My optimist only goes so far, and when it exceeds, my realist side comes out. If I don't get in any of the four Universities I'm considering, I'll study post-production/editing, even though it's a huge mistake to study it when I live here, but at least I'll be doing something I love and I won't be seeing the train pass by me with all my colleagues and friends swopping off to Lisbon while I stay here watching the waves.

Sexy: Watching Sex and the City in the early hours of the night.

Unsexy: School in general, I just want it to be over.

103 days to the John Mayer concert.