I'm free

And I've decided I'm going to start every single work as soon as a professor talks about doing one. Or else I'll get even more sick. I got sick from nerves and with all the pressure. Sore throat, headache, my whole body ached. I'm better now, thankfully. But I don't want it to happen again.

I'm not exactly free, though.

Things to do during winter break (Dec 17th - Jan 2nd):

• 1 group work;
• study for two tests;
• prepare a presentation.

And probably study for another two tests but I think I should save those for later, I have time. Hopefully. Time, time, time.

Off to Barcelona tomorrow.

Things I hate #5

Pressure.

3PM

I can only think of 3PM of this Tuesday.

Done:

• 1 group work.

To do:

• 1 essay;
• 1 presentation;
• 2 tests.

Kill me.

College is killing me

I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work.

I have to.

I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work.

I've considered buying speeds just to keep up.

You tease me because I have so much work and you don't. Well, you're a quiter. At least I'm not.

I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work.

I'm sick of this. I want to leave.

Things I hate #4

Crying when you're not next to me.

Things I hate #3

Losing physical memories forever.

Things I hate #2

I mostly fear routine even though I constantly live by it and even though I've constantly lived by it for... well, ever. I know there's no way I can ever get past it, so I try not to think about it.

But I'm one of the lucky people out there who has a little something that makes her a little happy every day and when I don't get it (which is rare, but still, it happens) I go mental. I get angry because I don't get it. See, I like it all scheduled. I start to get angry even if I don't get my little happy thing in time. Not in time, but at the time in which I usually get it.

Maybe I'm just an attention-seeking bitch.

Things I hate #1

I really hate it when people are constantly reminding me of stuff I've agreed to or stuff I have to do. I got it the first time. I don't need to be reminded every single hour that I have to meet with you the next day for a group work. Twice.

Time

Feel like writing.

I'm really missing time. I used to have time for everything, you know? Read, go on Tumblr, sleep. I miss having time. I'm a procrastinator and I'm aware that I still have three papers due, a presentation to prepare and two tests to study for. If I'd just do something, maybe I'd have some time to... do nothing. Or read.

I don't usually make sense.

Accepting the future?

I erased the part of my "about me" section from this blog and Twitter which said "wannabe fashion journalist".

I've accepted that if I stay in PR, I'll have a job. At least I have a higher chance of getting one, unlike if I was studying to become a journalist. PR's a relatively new profession, especially in Portugal. Good money and definitely interesting. I can still work in fashion if I want to.

This sudden turn of events astounds me. I know how I ended up in PR, but it's strange to me. It wasn't my intention and somehow my decisions led me to where I am now.

Yes. I think I'm staying in Public Relations.

The best years of your life

I was talking to a friend a few minutes ago about university and life as a college student. Complaining about the amount of workload we have (and how we procrastinate every single day) and how we envy high school students and how easy it all was just a few months ago. I walk by my old high school sometimes and as I see new students I think to myself, "You have no idea how lucky you are to still be in high school".

We also talked about how people usually say that the college years are the best years of our lives. It's my third month, I know, but... I'm not feeling it. Probably because people who say that are people who spend their college life in a dorm room. I don't. I've met people that I like, but I won't be able to consider them friends or just go out with them like I do with my group of friends for a very long time.

I probably could feel this way if I was the party girl type. I'm not. I prefer staying in and reading or going out to a friend's house with other friends rather than going out to some club or some place of the sort. I don't have the "academic spirit". Not yet, at least. I never got drunk and I honestly doubt that it's going to happen anytime soon. Not that I want to get drunk and puke all over the street and be classy like that. But it seems like that's the way people enjoy their college years and the best years of their lives.

I'm not feeling it.

Bring it, Potter

 

Bring it.

11 more days! I couldn't be more excited! I've already got my ticket and I'm so happy that for the first time I can watch it earlier (even though only a day earlier, still, it feels awesome) than all you English and Americans! HAH! In yo face, bitchez.

Oh, hai

I'll talk about this in late December, but this year has been... interesting, to say the least. Anywho.

Iiiii signed up for driving classes yesterday! I'm so psyched. I can start classes on the 23rd and I can't wait. Still need to do a few theory classes before I can actually drive, but it'll be fun nonetheless.

So, I don't think Ashley and I are going to do NaNoWriMo this year. Three major problems: I don't have the time and I'm always busy and/or tired; I don't have the least amount of inspiration; it's already the 6th and we haven't written a single word. Well, we have, but that was months ago.

I'm also so behind on Tumblr. Like, seriously behind. I've never let myself be so behind. I'll try. I will.

What else... oh, I should make my TSR video now. I'm going to watch The Social Network tonight! I've heard good things about it, so hopefully it'll be nice.

Have a great Saturday!

Bisou, bisou.

Halloween and NaNoWriMo

I guess it's also not this year that I have the Halloween I've always wanted.

NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow (and tomorrow is also my Mom's birthday) and I'm co-writing with Ashley. I hope I find the time to write. At least I only have to write 833 words per day rather than 1667.

Indecisions

For the past few months, whenever I think of the word "University" or generally the word "future", I feel like there's some kind of bag full of doubts and frightfulness that rips open inside of me. Living under these kinds of feelings and self-doubt is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

I want to study Journalism. Why am I studying Public Relations? I don't want to lose a semester or a year of my life because I chose the wrong course (even though I'd probably end up not getting into Journalism, anyway). I don't want to end this week actually confirming that this was a bad choice. I don't want to cry thinking that this won't take my anywhere in life.

I want to be as sure as other people are. I want to go somewhere where I can choose what I want to learn and feel welcomed as soon as I walk through the doors. I don't want to feel a wave of indecisiveness and fear and whatnot.

Most people say they don't want to know the future, they want everything to be a surprise because that's how it should be. But I sure as hell would like to peep through a peephole and have a general idea of what's waiting for me out there.

The wait is over. After two months of waiting and a whole year of freaking out, it's finally over. I got into the university I wanted and I couldn't be happier. Classes start on the 20th.

And now I'm just staring at this post. I wanted to say so much more, but my writing has been terrible. I can't write. I don't even feel like writing. I just feel the need to want to write. But nothing.

Bisou, bisou.

Traveling is the great true love of my life

Still, despite all this, traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to - I just don't care.

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Bisou, bisou.

Photograph found here.

We can improve through the years

So maybe we can improve even more this year?

Bisou, bisou.

Photograph found here.

Hello Summer

I know it's been a while. I know Summer started almost a month ago, but Summer means being busy: going to the beach, to the pool, being with friends, having the time of my life. I've wanted to blog for weeks, but I have so much inside me nowadays, I can't seem to write it down the way I want to.

It's been a rollercoaster since high school ended. A week with my friends down south, exam results, applying for Uni. Extreme happiness. Self discovery. Identity crisis. I'm so happy with my life right now. Happy with what Summer brought along, things and feelings I had no idea would ever knock on my door.

Here's to a wonderful and certainly memorable Summer.

Bisou, bisou.

Photograph found here.

Les Bleus: The World Cup's embarrassment

This man's attitude was utterly unallowable and shameful, especially in an international competition. I don't know if it was because he felt useless, I don't know if it was because he felt like a loser, I don't know if it was because he's an arrogant frenchman. But to do this? Never. This man doesn't deserve any respect.

And my poor, sexy Gourcuff was red carded. I was very sad.

Bisou, bisou *

Apparently goals really are like ketchup

7 - 0

COME ON, BRASIL! WE'LL EAT YOU ALIVE!

Bisou, bisou *
*Photograph found here.

Bye bye, high school

No more classes, no more tests, no more exams. Excellent three years for the most part. And now high school is aaaall over.

... What do I do now?

Bisou, bisou *
*Photograph found here.

Doubts

I'm less than 24 hours away of completing my last high school exam. I'm eighteen days away from knowing the results of said exams and nineteen days away from filling in a piece of paper with choices that are going to change my life and lead it to an unknown path.

Such a short time and I'm having doubts. I'm having doubts because I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, if I should study Social Communication like I'm planning to. It kills me that I can't express myself like I want to in my own language. It kills me that my own teachers think that Portuguese isn't my native tongue and thinking English is. In other circumstances, that would have been an enormous compliment, but not when I heard it. Not when I'm facing three years of writing in Portuguese. Not when I have to find a job in Journalism and, not knowing what the future brings, having to write in Portuguese for the rest of my life.

I can't be having doubts now. Especially when I don't see any other alternative.

But I do have doubts.

Bisou, bisou *

Yearbooks, ridiculous exams, smiles and TeenVogue

Today has been one of the best days ever. Little things make me happy and they're worth everything.

I love when I have a project set up for weeks and I finally get it done. For a "special" project class we have in school, my group and I decided to do a yearbook. We did it in less than two weeks and we've been waiting to get the results ever since. I finally picked up the books today and they're wonderful, I'm so glad with the way they turned out.

Next, I had my English exam. Oh. My. God. *Janice accent* I have never done an exam as easy as that one. It felt good not have to study for an exam and feeling that I can have 20/20. I should probably get started on History, though... whoops.

Right after that, dentist. Don't stress it, TSR girls, you'll have a very happy video tomorrow. Sorry about the latest two. But everything's finally into place and I can smile again and feel pretty again. It's priceless. Well, it wasn't, but you know.

I'm psychic. No, really. I opened my e-mail when I got home and I had one from TeenVogue and I realized I still hadn't received the June/July issue. I decided to check the mail. Bingo. Amanda Seyfried, I love you.

One of the most famous Portuguese authors died today, José Saramago. Yes, that's why that name's trending on Twitter. And one of his books is actually one of the subjects we have to study for our Portuguese exam (which was on Wednesday and which went well, thank you for asking. And yes, that subject did, in fact, come up in the exam). It was weird knowing that he died. Oh, well. RIP.

It's my Dad's birthday tomorrow! So less time to study. Boo. Oh, and I've been obsessed with the World Cup along with Ash. Doesn't help studying either. And The Netherlands play tomorrow again, woooo! Having two nationalities is awesome. Oh, and I also had a Starbucks today. Yum.

Bisou, bisou *

*Photograph found here.

LET'S GO!

LET'S GO!

Bisou, bisou*
*Photograph found here.

An image is worth a thousand words

And this one's worth two hundred thousand.

Bisou, bisou *

*Photograph found here.

World Cup

I love football/soccer. I love listening to every country's national hymn and screaming the Portuguese one at the the top of my lungs. I love European Cups and World Cups. It brings the world together in some way. Here's to one month of football! Thank god I have a channel where I can watch every single game.

"It's about making our country proud" - Aaron Mokoena

Bisou, bisou *
*Photograph found here.

A little help, s'il vous plaît?

I can't find this baby anywhere! They either don't sell it or it's out of stock and won't be getting more. A little help out there? Yes? Oui? Sí? Ja?

Bisou, bisou *

*Photograph found here.

I know I haven't written a blogpost since the 23rd. I'm sorry. I have so many blog entries to read, it's frightening. I feel like marking the ones I haven't read as read and just continue after that. There are days when I don't even feel like writing. Because I have no time or because I don't have the patience for it. A mix of both. I think of things to blog about, but then I forget about them.

There are days when I hate the words, "are you okay?". There are days when you're expecting so much to happen and to change, and when you're finally facing that moment, it all comes crushing down in your face. It's unfair, right? I've learnt to say, "it's life", even though I hate to admit it.

Bisou, bisou *

*Photograph found here.

John, my manual

I saw John Mayer last night. Such a dream.

It brought up feelings that I never felt before. Seeing your favorite artist live is like something inside you bursts open and love and other feelings spread out and you can't stop crying. I couldn't stop crying. I cried during 80% of the concert, I'd say. I'm still crying every time I think about it. It was overwhelming.

He brought me happiness, but he also got me thinking of life. What everything is for, university, responsibility, everything that keeps me from being young. So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young. I want him so much. I don't know what he does to me. He touches me in places I didn't even know I had inside me. So cliché, I know, but that really does happen.

And so, this was my day. Crying. I spent the entire day crying and being scared of life, only wanting to be on John's tour bus and living like that for the rest of my life. John is the closest thing I have to a life and heart manual. I intend to tell him that personally one day. I have this feeling inside me that I'm going to see him again sooner rather than later, but I'm so fucking scared that I won't ever get to see him again.

I wish I could see him in Madrid on the 4th. I wish I had a car so I could actually go. It's ironic, really. I don't want to get any older but everything I want to do obliges me to.

Okay, 1AM. Going to watch Grey's Anatomy's season finale, cry, listen to John in bed, cry again.

Bisou, bisou *

I'm witnessing time-passing at its best. Until my Summer holidays, this is what still has to happen:

1. Portuguese presentation on Tuesday;

2. Psychology test next Thursday;

3. John Mayer concert on May 21st <3;

4. History and English test the next week;

5. Miley Cyrus concert on May 29th <3;

6. Portuguese test the week after that;

7. Seven to eleven days of intense studying;

8. Portuguese exam on the 16th, English exam on the 19th, History exam on the 21st;

9. One week with my friends at the beach;

10. Find out the exam results on July 8th;

11. Apply for Universities the day after that.

Then I'm done. After all this, high school is over and I'm on holidays. Ready to - hopefully - go to Italy. I'll be in Uni *crosses fingers* two months after that. I won't be able to see the majority of the people I saw every day for three years. I'm extremely glad I decided to be brave and start high school with a clean slate, in a different school where almost everyone in my old school went to. Clean slates are an amazing feeling, and doing that for yourself, even if it's hard at first, is totally worth it.

And now for Uni, I'm not going to be the shy girl. I'm going to have fun and meet people right at the beginning so I wouldn't be the weird girl in the corner who doesn't talk to anyone. Not that I ever was like that. Not all the time, anyway, only in the beginning. Anyway, MAKING NEW FRIENDS is the key. I can't wait, but I still wish I was six again.

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

Katy Perry's back!

California Gurls - Katy Perry (feat. Snoop Dogg)

One more summer song. I'M ALREADY OBSESSED.

Bisou, bisou *

Just a few more days

I've waited for such a long time. Four years to be more precise. I finally heard some good news. There's just a few more days left, a few more weeks, less than a month. It'll be like it used to. Just a few more days. I said May was going to be one of the best months of my life. Just a few more days.

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

Glue Movie

Never fear, I'm back! I always have this problem with blogging. It's like trying to get thinner. You know you have to drink two litres of water a day, the thought is always banging in your head, you know you have to do it but you don't, and then so many days pass by. And I don't get any thinner or write a blog. So it's a lose-lose situation. But I needed a break from BEDA, thirty days is tough and sometimes I really don't feel like blogging. Moving on.

On 1000 Awesome Things (highly recommended), #519, dear Neil Pasricha points out how each person's "glue movie" is awesome. I kept wondering what was mine. What movie I automatically freeze, smile and jump for every time it's on TV, what movie makes me drop the remote and lean back on the couch, what movie makes me laugh at the same jokes over and over again, a movie that never gets old.

Well, to me, that movie is Home Alone (it's tied with many, many others, but I thought this one deserved first place). I always love the holiday season when the house is all covered in red and green, with a Christmas tree by my side, holding a cup of tea and, suddenly, Macaulay Culkin appears on my screen. That actually happened last week! Except the Christmas part, of course.

The "KEVIN!" never gets old, the puts-his-hands-on-his-face-and-screams never gets old, the boobytraps never get old, it's always perfect. And the second one in New York is just as great! That reminds me: I think I might buy the DVDs.

What's your glue movie?

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

BEDA #30 - BEDA, see you in August

So, here we are, at the end of another BEDA. I never failed and I feel good about that, it almost replaces what I should have felt during NaNoWriMo. Almost. But nevertheless, I loved blogging every day (even though my head was very far away from wanting to blog during the last few days) and I loved reading your blogs as well (even though I'm a bit behind, I'll catch up this weekend, I promise!).

These last two days were amazing. My birthday, I skipped school today, I stayed home all day playing with my iPod Touch, I went out with my friends... It was wonderful, it was almost like two birthdays.

Unfortunately I didn't get to actually meet that many people during BEDA since almost everyone's doing it in August with Maureen, and I'll try my best to blog with all the rest of you as well, but I'll most certainly be in Italy during that time... Even though I'll catch up. I love writing and it was definitely much easier to have previously thought themes every day, thanks to Nicola and her BEDA buddies for that!

And now... May. Tests, presentations, three exams, (a week with my friends on the beach), applying for Uni. Oh, boy... it's going to be a very, very, very tough month, and I feel like jumping way back to yesterday evening when I was extremely happy or just skip to the part where I get on the plane to Italy. At least these last few days gave me a chance to take my mind off school for a bit, I'm glad my Mom let me skip classes today.

Until August :)

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

BEDA #29 - Things I Love Thursday: The Birthday Version

And there you have it. I'm eighteen. I'm an adult. I can vote, I can drive, I can buy cigarettes (not that I care about that), I can go to jail (I'd rather smoke than go to jail). I can't believe I've lived for eighteen years, I can't believe that I can sign papers and documents for myself now, I can't believe that in a few short months I'll be in University. This is a milestone I'll never feel again.

It couldn't have been more perfect. I started the day off with amazing presents (an iPod Touch, a pair of RayBan sunglasses...), I heard my friends wish me happy birthday over our school's radio and then when it was my turn to be on the radio, my co-host wished me happy birthday on air as well.

My friends all wished me happy birthday during the day and gave me hugs and kisses and it was so wonderful.

I thought I was going to have a normal family dinner, my Mom said I couldn't have friends over today. I organized a dinner party with my friends for tomorrow (which is still on) and everything was set. Some of my family members came, and while I was talking to them I turn my back and there they were. Ten of my most dearest friends. I didn't cry because I was in shock, otherwise I definitely would have cried. Presents, friends, family, laughs, smiles, hugs, tears. Old friends, best friends and new friends. That's all I wanted for my eighteenth. It was the best birthday ever.

I would have loved to film something with Dida (she was here too!) but she had to leave early, but I'm meeting her tomorrow as well! She can't come to my dinner party because it's at the same time as her dinner party, but since it's close by we're going to meet up.

I just... I'm out of words. I'm tired, but thankfully my Mom's going to let me skip school tomorrow. She's the best. Oh! and about the Canon? The "birthday present" I found? Yeah, it wasn't a birthday present. But my Dad got it anyway and now I can use it in public! So that's wonderful, nevertheless.

My heart's all covered in love right now. :')

Until tomorrow!

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

BEDA #28 - Favorites

Favorite male singer: John Mayer

Favorite female singer: Joss Stone (sorry, but Amy Winehouse's in there too)

Favorite actor: Emile Hirsch (first one on my mind)

Favorite actress: Jennifer Aniston or Audrey Tautou

Favorite book: Looking for Alaska by John Green

Favorite movie: Slumdog Millionaire

Favorite magazine: TeenVogue

Favorite instrument: Saxophone

Favorite drink: Tea

Favorite food: Pasta with anything

Favorite city: Paris

Favorite animal: Elephant

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite Beatle: Paul McCartney

Favorite car: Mini Cooper/VW Beetle

Favorite item of clothing: Dresses

Favorite makeup item: Eyeliner

Favorite gelato flavor: Coconut

Favorite fruit: Strawberry

Favorite vegetable: Peas

Favorite TV Show: Friends

Until tomorrow!

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.

BEDA #27 - Addictions

Music. Internet. Shopping. Chanel. Tumblr. Twitter. Facebook. Food. Chocolate. Washing my hair every day. Lady Gaga. Miley Cyrus. John Mayer. Croissants. Paris. New York. Writing. Teen Vogue. Starbucks Caffé Latte. Red and blue. Dresses. Milk. TV shows. Music concerts and festivals. Apple software/hardware. Strawberries. Summer. Books. Peace&Love sign. Crepes. RayBan sunglasses. Greek yogurt. Smoothies/Milkshakes. Plaid. Laughing. Hugs. Sleeping. Kisses. Mobile phone. Dreaming. Eyeliner. Mascara. Concealer. Cinema/Movies. Traveling. Flip-flops. Dogs. Rings. Mary-Kate and Ashley. Jensen Ackles. Photography. Etc.

Until tomorrow!

Tomorrow's theme: Favorites

Bisou, bisou *

* Photograph found here.